What Nobody Tells You (But You Need to Hear)
Grief. It’s a word we all know but secretly hope we’ll never have to get too familiar with. And when it does come knocking, whether through the death of someone we love, the end of a relationship, the loss of health, or even a life you thought you’d have, it rarely shows up how we expect.
Let’s get something straight: grief isn’t just tears and funerals. It’s not just “feeling sad” for a few weeks. And it certainly doesn’t come with a neat five-step process where you end up “healed” and ready to move on like nothing happened.
Here are a few myths I’d love to bust open and some truths that might make you feel a little less alone.
Myth #1: “Grief has an endpoint.”
Truth: Grief doesn’t end, it changes. It softens. It evolves. But it doesn’t disappear. You don’t ‘get over’ it, you grow around it. You learn to carry it differently. Think of it like a stone in your pocket. Some days, it’s heavy, pressing into you. On other days, it’s barely noticeable. But it’s still there.
Myth #2: “Time heals all wounds.”
Truth: Time only helps if we actively do the work of grieving, of feeling, remembering, and adjusting. Time alone doesn’t do the healing. It’s what we do with the time that matters. Suppressing your feelings, keeping busy, or pretending you’re fine because it’s been “long enough” only delays the healing.
Myth #3: “You should be back to normal by now.”
Truth: Grief changes your normal. There’s a before and an after. That doesn’t mean your life can’t be joyful, beautiful, or fulfilling again, but it will be different. You will be different. And that’s not a failure, it’s a sign of love, of loss, and of life moving forward in a new way.
Myth #4: “Grief is only about death.”
Truth: We grieve all sorts of things: lost jobs, broken dreams, estranged relationships, life stages ending, and even menopause and the identity shift it brings. Grief is about loss, and loss takes many shapes. Just because someone didn’t die doesn’t mean your grief isn’t valid.
The Unexpected Ways Grief Shows Up
Grief is sneaky. It doesn’t just show up as tears and heartache. It might look like snapping at your kids, struggling to focus, avoiding people you love, questioning everything, or suddenly feeling exhausted all the time.
It can shake your confidence. It can mess with your sleep. It can change how you see the world, or how safe you feel in it.
And here’s the thing: that doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re human.
So, What Can You Do?
Start by telling the truth to yourself and to the people you trust. Say, “This is hard.” Say, “I’m not okay.” Permit yourself to grieve without a timeline or a checklist. Let yourself be changed by it, even if you never wanted to be.
And remember: grief following a death or loss of a relationship is a reflection of love. You’re not weak for feeling it. You’re brave for facing it.
If you’re tired of pretending you’re fine, or you’ve realised that what you’re feeling is grief, even if no one else has named it, I’m here. This is the work I do with women every day: helping them unlock life again, without pushing away the grief that changed it.
if you’re ready for support that actually gets it, book a free 30-minute discovery call with me or download any of my free resources via https://linktr.ee/kellyleighcoaching
You’re not alone. You never were