A significant loss can wreck your sense of identity.
Women who have been married often define themselves through shared roles, such as wife, partner, or team member. Widowhood can lead to an identity crisis: Who am I now if I’m not part of “Us”?
Losing a parent can feel like losing a tether to your childhood or cultural roots, leaving women questioning their position as the next family matriarch or elder and the responsibilities they gain and lose.
Many women in midlife are accustomed to being caregivers, and the end of this role (due to death, children leaving home, etc.) can make them feel purposeless and at a loss on how to redefine their role.
This search for identity is often paired with societal invisibility: women in midlife can feel less seen or valued in a culture that prioritises youth and traditional family roles.
This all sounds a bit depressing, but there are strategies you can adopt and things you can do to redefine your purpose. The word “midlife” is a clue: You are only halfway through (unless anything untoward happens), so you have a lot of life to live.
Life is written in chapters of which there are many; we are supposed to move through them, grow and develop, learn new things and change who we are.
Who you are is not set in stone, and the brain constantly changes. You do not remain as you once were with the labels you gave yourself growing up. Your identity as a wife or carer, or whatever titles you have adopted when passing through your education and career(s), changes.
Maybe it is time to review the previous chapters, see what you have learned and how far you have come, and be incredibly proud of yourself! Honestly, it’s a miracle that any of us have made it this far. We may be battered and bruised, carrying heartache and sadness, but we are also resilient, strong, and capable of so many more things.
As Eleanor Roosevelt so wisely said, “The purpose of life is to live it.” If you actively live life, you will find your purpose and regain your sense of self by default.
To help you along the way, use journaling, mindfulness, and maybe even meditation to get those feelings out and to work out what you want, for you, for your life.
Remember that most of your negative thoughts are not real, and try to bring yourself back to the now, it’s all we have.
Learn more about my personalised approach to grief and transformation below.