Have you ever found yourself grieving before anything has actually happened?
Maybe your parent is declining with dementia, or your partner has been diagnosed with something life-limiting. You wake up each day carrying a strange mix of sadness, guilt, fear, and you can’t explain it. That ache? It has a name. It’s called anticipatory grief.
What Is Anticipatory Grief?
Anticipatory grief is the grief we experience before a loss. Unlike traditional grief that comes after someone has died or a major change has happened, anticipatory grief starts when we begin emotionally preparing for the loss of someone (or something) meaningful.
It’s incredibly common, but rarely spoken about. Which is why it can feel so lonely.
You might be:
• Watching a loved one slowly slip away
• Supporting someone with a terminal illness
• Facing the breakdown of a long-term relationship
• Letting go of a version of yourself you’ll never return to
Even if nothing has technically happened yet, the emotional toll is very real.
Why Is It So Painful?
Because it’s complicated. You’re grieving something you still have, and that messes with your head and heart. One minute you’re in “hope mode,” the next you’re imagining life after they’re gone. You feel selfish, or guilty, or even numb, and you think that means you’re doing it wrong.
You’re not.
Anticipatory grief is often full of anxiety, especially because you feel powerless. You’re carrying all the pain, but none of the closure.
Common Signs of Anticipatory Grief
• You feel emotional all the time, but can’t always name why
• You’re mentally rehearsing what life will be like without them
• You’re hyper-aware of their health or behaviour changes
• You feel exhausted but struggle to rest
• You’ve become overly controlling or withdrawn
• You feel guilty for feeling anything at all
Sound familiar? It doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re already grieving.
What Helps During Anticipatory Grief?
1. Acknowledge it.
Name it. Own it. You’re not going mad. You’re grieving in advance, and that’s normal.
2. Stop trying to be ‘strong.’
You don’t have to hold everything together. In fact, trying to do so will only stretch your nervous system further.
3. Talk to someone.
You’re allowed to ask for help even if “nothing’s happened yet.” Support groups, coaching, or just a friend who gets it can make all the difference.
4. Write your thoughts down.
Journaling, voice notes, or letters you may never send —these all help your brain and body process what’s happening.
5. Remember: this is not wasted grief.
Every tear, every moment of sorrow, every hour of anticipatory grief is helping you prepare, gently and gradually.
You’re Not Alone, Even If It Feels That Way
I know this place. It’s messy and full of invisible pain. And it’s exactly why I created my coaching packages. These private coaching journies are designed to help women in midlife move through complex emotions like anticipatory grief, burnout, and emotional overwhelm.
If you’re ready to feel more like you again, even while you’re still carrying the weight of what’s coming, I’m here.
You don’t have to wait for the loss to start healing.